Am I Responsible for My Aging Parents and My Grown Up Kids?

 

Am I Responsible for My Aging Parents and My Grown Up Kids?




The idea that life is circular has been around for a long time. From the changing seasons to birth and death, life is an unending cycle. Throughout the centuries, people have found innumerable ways to represent this concept. We humans are bound to it just as firmly. As we get older, so do our parents and other loved ones. We take care of parents while nurturing our kids, they grow up looking at how we mindfully deal with our responsibilities

Nearly half of adults in their 30s and 40s have a parent 60 or older and are either raising a young child or financially supporting a child. According to the Research about 1 in 7 is financially supporting both an aging parent and a child.  The dual role to play at some point in life. And it’s a challenge sandwich generation has to face.

 There could be constant juggling of thoughts

Am I being loving and attentive enough? 

Are my children becoming spoiled? 

Are my parents happy?

Am I fulfilling my responsibility towards my parents?

All the responsibilities of parenting fall under one of these two headings.

Most of us come into the world viewing our parents as healthy, strong and everlasting. As we grow, and as they age, the naive feeling that they are a perpetual part of our lives fades. Their hearing weakens, their gait slows, their memories dim, and for adult children the experience can provoke feelings of anger, anxiety, fear and frustration. It's a strange shift from when they were responsible for you. Now you might be responsible for them, and they're not listening to your orders the way an 8-year-old would. You have kids who have also started dictating their terms. You have dual responsibility towards both generation.

The Verdict: We have an innate responsibility to help loved ones as they age, and to our grown up kids but there are limits

There will most likely be times when you’ll feel that you just can’t go on. This is when your dedication to taking care of yourself -- must remain stronger than ever.

At this point – Do your duty, Give your Best, Balance yourself. Focus on true success and happiness and most importantly don’t forget to take care of your wellbeing.

Challenges of the 'sandwich generation' and how to deal with it.

Ø Talk about Everyday Stuff — and Do It Every Day The more you do something, the easier it gets. Talking to the adults in your life about everyday stuff builds a bond. It makes it easier when you need to discuss something more serious.

Ø Find something to chat about each day. You can keep it brief and casual. Talk about how your team did at the track meet. Share something one of your teachers said. Tell them about a school project. Share a fun post or picture. Even small talk about what's for dinner can keep you feeling close.

Ø Do things together that you both enjoy. Go for a walk. Work out together. Cook, eat, play, make music, help out, or just hang out together. This gives you a chance to have a casual chat.

Ø It's never too late to start. If things feel strained between you and your parent, ease into it. Mention that cute thing as a kid you did. Watch a funny movie together to share a laugh. Talking about little things might be a way to get closer

Ø Enable social inclusion. Create opportunities for your loved one to play an active role in your family and in your community. Isolation can be a major cause of emotional distress for older people. 

Ø Learn and practice mindful communication. Don't be afraid to have what can be a tough conversation about end of life care with your loved one. Make use of the tools and resources available online to talk with your loved one about the kind of treatment they receive and where they would like to receive it.

Ø Educate yourself. Try to keep up to date with the latest innovations in elder care and best practices in long term care. Keep updating yourself with the latest technologies.




THE circle of life however it isn't a closed loop. To trap yourself in any one circle is just to limit your capabilities. Make sure you don’t fall inside closed loop.  It is a constant journey of reconnecting with your life purpose and discovering many facets of yourself along the way.  The more you treat your life as a journey, untangling all the circles, the more enjoyable the ride will be.

By

Dr. Mona Shah

Occupational Therapist, Clinical Psychologist.

 

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