How having a controlling parent can leach into adulthood.
How having a controlling parent can leach into adulthood.
Parenting is no easy feat, and different parents have different parenting styles But in the case of controlling parents, also referred to as authoritarian or helicopter parents, sometimes their overbearing nature can result in difficulties for the child that don't simply end once they grow up but continue to affect their behaviour and impact psychologically.
The researchers
said the study cannot prove cause and effect. But it does add to evidence that
"Authoritarian" parenting may end up doing kids more harm than good. Setting rules and
structure for Family is a good thing. The problem seems to come when parents
try to dictate what their children do, not only through rules, but also through
manipulation.
Here
are some signs of a controlling parent
1. Interfering & criticizing in nearly
every aspect of the child's life.
One of the tell-tale signs of a controlling parent is
interfering in their child's each and every activity, like dictating their
terms during child’s play or interest of sports or developing hobby or choosing
a carrier and beyond that. These parents are displeased, unless their child
agrees to their demand. Rather than accepting their child, parent will try
everything they can to get their kid to be who they want them to be.
2. Truly unattainable standards and
Conditional Love
Controlling parents put a
lot of pressure on their children to live up to their unreasonably high expectations,
which are often unattainable. They withhold love as a form of manipulation of
displeasure.
3. Rigid rules. Lack of empathy and
respect.
Another way parents control their kids is by creating an
atmosphere where rigid rules and boundaries are enforced without explanation.
Psychologist says that this behaviour is a way of projecting their own
anxieties onto their child. Noting that sometimes adults have learned to manage
their own internal anxieties through the mechanism of controlling others. They
will not show their children empathy or even respect their autonomy.
4. Manipulation through gifts.
Controlling parents may manipulate and appease their
children with money or gifts as a way to control their decisions and behaviours.
For example, they may offer to help pay for your education but only if you
agree to attend a college closer to home or you agree to get married to our
choice of partner.
5. Playing on guilt and/or shame.
As another form of psychological manipulation, which is
most commonly used Think statements like, "You'll regret this when I'm
dead," or "A good son/daughter wouldn't treat their parent like
this."
How to deal with the above family situation.
If you were or have been a controlling
parent, the best thing to do for your child is to seek professional help for yourself.
Fundamentally, controlling parents needs to understand that it will stunt your child’s ability to be an autonomous human being, who has a right to make their own mistakes in life. Due to controlling parenting children usually employ one of two non-autonomous ways of coping – compulsive compliance and oppositional defiance. Neither one is good for your child.
How to deal with controlling parents:
If you’re a grownup, having a controlling parent can make
you feel disrespected. Unfortunately,
research shows that controlling parenting behaviour is unlikely to change over
time.
Ø Dealing
with a controlling parent or parents is incredibly difficult. They're your
family, and they quite literally raised you. It's natural to feel guilty for
being angry with them and even feel denial around whether they're truly controlling.
Ø According
to Psychologist, once you've realized a parent is controlling, the best way to
deal with them is through the establishment of strong, firm and consistent boundries. This can feel scary, but it's exactly what the child needs to do in order to
break free from this dysfunctional pattern.
Ø Having
a healthy community for support is essential. Children of controlling parents
may need trusted outsiders in their corner to act as a sounding board, provide
validation and comfort, and even advocate on their behalf when needed.
Ø If
it's a battle you can't win on your own, family therapy may be something to
consider. If you suffer from depressive or anxiety symptoms, seek professional
help as soon as possible.
Only way to earn child’s respect
is through constant evolvement and distance guidance- Bottom Line for Parents
You should give all the love you
have to your children. They are probably the most precious things on earth for
you. Take care of them. Look out for them. All of that is okay, as long as you
don’t overdo it. There are certain boundaries that you, as a parent, will need
to adhere to. Learn to let go of the reins a little. Just give your kids some
space. Let them explore. Let them make mistakes. It’s okay. Because you know
what, they will probably be just fine! A positive parental role works as a
win-win situation in the family where an additional member brings added joy and
happiness to all.
Regards,
Dr. Mona Shah
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