How having a controlling parent can leach into adulthood.

 

        How having a controlling parent can leach into adulthood.




Parenting is no easy feat, and different parents have different parenting styles But in the case of controlling parents, also referred to as authoritarian or helicopter parents, sometimes their overbearing nature can result in difficulties for the child that don't simply end once they grow up but continue to affect their behaviour and impact psychologically.

The researchers said the study cannot prove cause and effect. But it does add to evidence that "Authoritarian" parenting may end up doing kids more harm than good. Setting rules and structure for Family is a good thing. The problem seems to come when parents try to dictate what their children do, not only through rules, but also through manipulation.

Here are some signs of a controlling parent




 

1. Interfering & criticizing in nearly every aspect of the child's life.

One of the tell-tale signs of a controlling parent is interfering in their child's each and every activity, like dictating their terms during child’s play or interest of sports or developing hobby or choosing a carrier and beyond that. These parents are displeased, unless their child agrees to their demand. Rather than accepting their child, parent will try everything they can to get their kid to be who they want them to be.

 

2.  Truly unattainable standards and Conditional Love

Controlling parents put a lot of pressure on their children to live up to their unreasonably high expectations, which are often unattainable. They withhold love as a form of manipulation of displeasure.

 

3. Rigid rules. Lack of empathy and respect.

Another way parents control their kids is by creating an atmosphere where rigid rules and boundaries are enforced without explanation. Psychologist says that this behaviour is a way of projecting their own anxieties onto their child. Noting that sometimes adults have learned to manage their own internal anxieties through the mechanism of controlling others. They will not show their children empathy or even respect their autonomy.

 

4. Manipulation through gifts.

Controlling parents may manipulate and appease their children with money or gifts as a way to control their decisions and behaviours. For example, they may offer to help pay for your education but only if you agree to attend a college closer to home or you agree to get married to our choice of partner.

 

5. Playing on guilt and/or shame.

As another form of psychological manipulation, which is most commonly used Think statements like, "You'll regret this when I'm dead," or "A good son/daughter wouldn't treat their parent like this."

 

How to deal with the above family situation.

If you were or have been a controlling parent, the best thing to do for your child is to seek professional help for yourself.


Fundamentally, controlling parents needs to understand that it will stunt your child’s ability to be an autonomous human being, who has a right to make their own mistakes in life. Due to controlling parenting children usually employ one of two non-autonomous ways of coping – compulsive compliance and oppositional defiance. Neither one is good for your child.

 

How to deal with controlling parents:  





If you’re a grownup, having a controlling parent can make you feel disrespected. Unfortunately, research shows that controlling parenting behaviour is unlikely to change over time.

Ø Dealing with a controlling parent or parents is incredibly difficult. They're your family, and they quite literally raised you. It's natural to feel guilty for being angry with them and even feel denial around whether they're truly controlling.

Ø According to Psychologist, once you've realized a parent is controlling, the best way to deal with them is through the establishment of strong, firm and consistent boundries. This can feel scary, but it's exactly what the child needs to do in order to break free from this dysfunctional pattern.

Ø Having a healthy community for support is essential. Children of controlling parents may need trusted outsiders in their corner to act as a sounding board, provide validation and comfort, and even advocate on their behalf when needed.

Ø If it's a battle you can't win on your own, family therapy may be something to consider. If you suffer from depressive or anxiety symptoms, seek professional help as soon as possible.


 Only way to earn child’s respect is through constant evolvement and distance guidance- Bottom Line for Parents

 You should give all the love you have to your children. They are probably the most precious things on earth for you. Take care of them. Look out for them. All of that is okay, as long as you don’t overdo it. There are certain boundaries that you, as a parent, will need to adhere to. Learn to let go of the reins a little. Just give your kids some space. Let them explore. Let them make mistakes. It’s okay. Because you know what, they will probably be just fine! A positive parental role works as a win-win situation in the family where an additional member brings added joy and happiness to all.

Regards,

Dr. Mona Shah

 Occupational Therapist, Clinical Psychologist

 

 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Importance of Happiness during Pregnancy

Image
  Importance of Happiness during Pregnancy -                     Stress in Pregnancy takes a toll on the Child A successful pregnancy and labour, and the birth of a healthy baby, are the responsibilities of both the parents to an equal degree. A baby’s health depends to a large extent on the health of its parents at the moment of conception, their lifestyle before conception as well as mental wellbeing of parents. Starting a family is a time of reassessment because becoming a parent will fundamentally change your life. Happy, healthy parents make, happy, healthy children, so make sure you are fit for parenthood. As more and more women are multi-tasking and as nuclear family is now a preferred choice amongst young couples, pregnancy in the 21st century is a different kettle of fish – especially for first-time mums. There’s so much keeping up to the mark, so many checks to worry about, pressure to keep a job while carrying a ...
Read more

What is Occupational Therapy? And who can be benefited?

Image
  I know very little about Occupational Therapy. What is OT? And who can be benefited? Let us understand it on the eve of World Occupational Therapy Day. Occupational Therapy Day was first launched on 27th October 2010. And to quote they say –“ Our occupations or activities provided us with a  role ,  routine  and  structure  - and  define  who we are...” Occupational therapy provides holistic, person-centred support to those whose health and/or wellbeing prevents them from doing the daily activities that matter to them. OT patients may be dealing with a physically, developmentally, emotionally or mentally disabling condition (from strokes to attention deficit disorders). Occupational therapists use various treatments to help their patients maintain, recover or even develop their daily living and work skills, including (but not limited to) basic motor functions and even reasoning abilities. The founding of the profess...
Read more

NEW NORMAL FOR KIDS

Image
                               NEW NORMAL FOR KIDS Fear of Infection is at PEAK.Day in and out we have been guided how to take care of ourselves and not get infected, But its time we look into  the lives of  our young kids and identify their anxiety . Children cannot understand why everyone around  is always wearing a  mask?   Why   they are not getting admired ??   why parents are so stressed , why they are not allowed to go out of the house? and  much  more. These are few unanswered questions that are constantly running inside their young minds. We  are all very concerned about our own issues, But believe me as a senior occupational Therapist – When a parent approached me  who was very tensed and helpless and narrated a story, I was shocked. Eight year old constantly threatening them ...
Read more