Guiding Teens and Young Adults in Developing Healthy Romantic Relationships

 

Guiding Teens and Young Adults in Developing Healthy Romantic Relationships

Isn’t it getting more & more difficult to find the right partner for the newer generation? If it is arranged, the rate of separation is rising. The so called smart and intelligent GenX generation fears making lifetime commitment. Divorce rates are increasing across the world. Lawyers, therapists and academician’s world over are perplexed and have started discussing and analysing this problem, to get a clearer understanding of the factors feeding into this break-up boom.

 Statistics says that around 40% of most recent marriages are ending up in a divorce. These numbers tend to make us very sceptical about the idea of getting married.  Every other day we read about some celebrity couple or someone known in our circle getting engaged or married and before you know everything starts falling apart and a supposedly perfect couple unveils into two different uncompromising individuals. Although it is no more looked upon as a taboo, this is undoubtedly very scary! It is truly a social dilemma and makes us wonder how it will impact the society in general.

 

Gone are the days when usually one of the partners used to be the bread earner and the other one would look after the family. In today's generation, when  equality and self-independence is the norm, people tend to make career their top priority, everything else being secondary  As a result, there is always a major clash between getting married or pursuing career goals with GenX preferring to choose the latter over the bond of matrimony.

The constant craving for more, rather than accepting the best possible version of the person you have married to or the life you have chosen, leaves youngsters of this generation with a lot of unanswered questions, and the thought that marriage would not let them achieve what they have dreamt of, makes them extremely jittery

In this non-committal temporary hook-up generation, people tend to get scared of the notion of monogamy. The meaning of true everlasting love that existed up till a few years back has gradually changed over time. People are mostly afraid of arrange marriage or even love marriage with the idea of spending the rest of their lives with the same person. Which is basically, the idea behind all the Indian marriage rituals.

As a society—and as parents—we are often failing to prepare  youngsters to look for a  caring, healthy and long-lasting romantic relationships as that provides the maximum support and stability in life. According to National Survey of 18- to 25-year-olds, a large majority of youngsters actually want some form of guidance on the emotional aspects of romantic relationships. Many teens may not even realise if they are in a healthy or unhealthy romantic relationship. They may also be unsure if their worries, feelings of disappointment, or criticisms of their partner are normal.

 Our failure to prepare youngsters for romantic love can reverberate destructively throughout their lives, reflecting in a range of problems including divorce, substance abuse, domestic violence, and marital conflict.

How can we as parents prepare our teens and young adults to develop healthy, caring romantic relationships?

 We often do very little to prepare young adults for the focused, tender, subtle, generous ways of learning how to love and be loved and developing a mature romantic relationship. As research on teens says, “All we are taught is how to prevent stuff, how not to get pregnant. Rather we should be discussing the values that should guide you in love and how to really love and respect someone else. And how to be loved by someone else. That’s a lot more important.”

 Talk about how people can be attracted to or get preoccupied with other people for a range of positive and negative reasons and discuss the importance of understanding why your teen or young adult might be attracted to or preoccupied with someone else.

Talk to your teen or young adult about examples of relationships among the couples you both know. Which examples are healthy? Which ones are harmful? Why? If your teen or young adult is in a relationship, you might also ask them if the relationship makes them more or less self-respecting, hopeful, caring, and generous. How often does the relationship make them worried or depressed? Does their partner have qualities that are concerning or troubling?

Share with your teens any lessons you have learned about the skills, attitudes, and sensitivities that it takes to maintain a healthy romantic relationship or any close relationship. Engage them in ethical questions connected to romantic and sexual relationships. Open communication and positive approach always takes care of the concern.

By

Dr. Mona Shah

Occupational Therapist, Clinical Psychologist