Teenagers should be offered guidelines rather than rules.

 

Teenagers should be offered guidelines rather than rules.

As a child gradually evolves from a dependent toddler to an independent teenager it is looking forward to more and more independent decision, and if successful it helps building his self-esteem.

 During early childhood, parents have guided and supported their children through ever small and big achievements. However, as they grow older and their horizons expands, they like to take control of their life, as a result they often tend to ignore their parent’s advice. Parents sometimes fail to understand the sudden change in their behavior. They now start feeling that their teenager has gone astray and will be good for nothing. With the onset of puberty, teenagers feel that they have outgrown their younger friends who are still playing childhood games and obeying their parent’s wishes. Adolescent’s attempt to seek independence from parents which sometimes creates confusion between their relationships, as society and members of the family expect too much from an adolescent, who has grown tall and well built. It is confusing to them all the more as to which group they belong to.

Adolescent girls usually mature 2-3 years earlier in emotional and physical development compared to adolescent boys.  Process of sexual maturation, body awareness and its acceptance with the society norms and peers can create lot of conflict in their minds. Teenagers need love and support from parents at a time when lots of other things in their lives are changing.

Many people think that families become less important to children as they move into the teenage years. But it is not true. For teenagers, parents and families are a source of care and emotional support. Families give teenagers practical, financial and material help. And most teenagers still want to spend time with their families, sharing ideas and having fun.

It’s normal for teenagers to be moody or seem uncommunicative, but they still need you. Your child still loves you and wants you to be involved in her life, even though at times her attitude, behavior or body language might seem to say she doesn’t.

 Maladjustments are common in adolescents, who do not have good relationship with their parents, particularly when parents themselves are not in mature interpersonal relationship. It is very important that parents of teenagers be aware of changes happening with their kid, at the same time observing silently and guiding them whenever required.

It is important to keep your relation with your teenager strong. Some tips to follow.

1)     Very important is to maintain continuous communication

View each other as allies and understand their perspective. Listen to their side of stories. Assurance that you will be supporting them always helps them to approach you in the time of conflict. Regular family meals and family outings are a great chance for everyone to chat about their day, or about interesting stuff that’s going on or coming up. One-on-one time with your child gives you the chance to stay connected

 2) Set common Goals

Try and understand what they want and reason for the need. Explain to them calmly in case of disagreement. Brainstorm Solutions. If needed, rethink your decision and take a fair judgement. As a parent you need to understand that your behavior is the foundation of emotional maturity.  Agreement on limits and consequences give teenagers a sense of security, structure and predictability. Try to delegate some household responsibilities. It gives children and teenagers the sense that they are making an important contribution to family life. They learn to be responsible.

3) Show respect to others, be a good role model

Teens learn by observing others, so they won’t understand how to give respect unless they see you doing it. Use respectful tone while talking with others as well as to them. Don’t insult or berate other children, even if they are in the wrong. Teach your teen how to regulate their own emotions by your behavior.

4) Make a decision together

 Never try to impose rules because you said so. It will not always work. Make simple and specific requests. This is much better than blaming. Be realistic while setting expectations. Decide on a solution together when both parties are calm enough to make rational decisions. Most young people and their families have some ups and downs during these years, but things usually improve by late adolescence as children become more mature. And family relationships tend to stay strong right through.

You cannot Control what your children are exposed to.

You can only influence the way they perceive it.

By

Dr. Mona Shah

Occupational Therapist, Clinical Psychologist